Just be a Mom.

While I was out at the park enjoying one of the last few days of our gorgeous NY fall I became intrigued by a man playing with his young daughter.  He was so engaged in what she was doing and talking and explaining life to her in such a magnificent way I couldn't help but listen to him.  He soon caught my daughters attention when our children where on the slide together and began to capture her attention as well.

He had no cell phone, no fancy clothes and no agenda.  He was simply enjoying her and their time together.  I was hooked.

About 20 minutes later a woman came skipping over and sat on the grass beside him.  She had no makeup on, tattered mismatched clothes and her hair in a ponytail.  With a great big smile on his face he turned to his daughter and said "Look who it is your beautiful beautiful Mommy."

To which she smiled, laid her head on his shoulder and said back to him,

"I have so much work to do at home but you inspired me to come to the park and enjoy just BEING A MOMMY."

WOW...pretty awesome!!!

We have so many roles as mothers.  How many times do I just stop thinking, planning, cleaning, texting, calling, reading, writing, cooking and the list goes on to just stop and enjoy BEING A MOM!

Not nearly enough.  Not ever some days.

To take a step back and realize that sometimes all I need to do is just be a mom.  To talk, listen, play, laugh and enjoy the gift of my children. No interruptions.

I am inspired.

Ballerina or maybe gymnast?

Today was the first day of ballet for Bry and I had it all planned out perfectly. I was going to let her put on the leotard, shoes and tights she had been begging to wear for weeks a little earlier in the day than necessary.  This insured I would get a few cute pictures of her in the adorable mandatory outfit.  Well she had other plans....

No brothers were harmed in the taking of this picture!

Good form don't you think?

This was the only half way decent one I got after a mini melt down.

After a rough start with the pictures I was a bit apprehensive about how the actual ballet class would go. However a few minutes into wonderfully animated teachers, tippy toeing and all those other ballet words I don't know how to spell she turned around with a big grin on her face and gave me a THUMBS UP!
I just wish I had my camera for that.

My name is...

 This is the outfit that Miss B was wearing when she came running out of her room today with her arms held high exclaiming....

"My name is Bry Bry Ava and I am going to SAVE the world."


You go girl, in your brothers old halloween costume and a roll of toilet paper!

(Please excuse my chipped deck it's been a long summer.  Staining it is on the to do list)

Guilty.

You see it on the news and read it in the paper.  Assault, addiction, abuse, rape, trauma, murder, stabbing and the list goes on.  You are generally not affected unless it hits close, your neighborhood, your friends or your family.  You may sigh and think "Gosh I can't imagine" or "That is horrible" and go about your day unchanged, never giving it another fleeting thought during your busy day.

My life changed when it walked through the doors of the ER.

I saw it, I felt it, I touched it, I heard it, I relived it, it became REAL to me.

It shook my world.

From the first glance I am struck with nausea.  A nausea like I have never felt before.  The kind I keep trying to swallow down to avoid the inevitable.  The kind that doubles me over but won't come out.

The tears well up in my eyes, my vision goes blurry.  I keep blinking so I can see.  I don't want to see, but I have to, I have no choice it's in front of me.

I look around and see the horror on the other's faces, we try to hide it but it's there.

The stoic lifelessness in her face is bone chilling.

"Separate yourself, this is not your child."

But it's impossible, I can't.

I lock glances with her.

I can sense her terror and her fear.

Her eyes are empty.

An emptiness so real and so raw.

Ripped from her little grasp she was brutally robbed of innocence.

Lying there in a heap, clutching her doll and a blanket to cover her wounds.

So frail.

So broken.  

So tired.

"WHY GOD"?

I cry out and wrestle with the feelings of REVENGE.

I want JUSTICE. 

But it's not mine to take it's HIS.

I feel it, I feel the EVIL of the world.

My hands have been dirtied by the blood of an innocent victim.

AND I AM GUILTY.

So GUILTY.


GUILTY of wanting to pretend it doesn't happen in my neighborhood, my town.

We lock our doors and we lock our hearts.

We are comfortable.

We are safe.

We are ignorant.


We need to get out from behind our t.v. screens, our internet and our ipads.

We need to stop hiding behind the walls of the church.

We need to get away from our selfish addictions and step out the front door.

We need to get our hands dirty with the hurt of the world to warrant a desire for change.

Because I am here to attest that it is REAL.

It does happen in your town and in your community.

It happens everywhere and we need to WAKE UP.

Be the LIGHT that this world so desperately needs.

Be the GOSPEL to the many who won't read it.

Be the PERSON whom God made you to be right where he put you.

And due it all unto HIM because HE is the ONLY HOPE I can see.

Burdens and Blessings.

Yesterday was rough, the weather was dreary and so was my mood.  My little man turned one this past week which although a very joyful occasion left me kind of feeling sad for some reason.  I went about the day feeling ungrateful for the many blessings I had and desiring more of the things that don't matter.  I decided that maybe I needed to get out of the house and run some errands.

After a few hours the kids were tired, hungry and definitely NOT in the mood for shoppy shop (as my daughter calls it).

After a short time in Walmart my daughter had seen enough but I still had a few things to get.  I gritted my teeth and sighed, exasperated at every whiney request she made.  Finally, after talking me into getting out of the cart and walking on her own she began to melt down completely.  While bending down to pick her up off the ground during her mini tantrum my eyes caught site of something.

His gait was slow and unsteady as he walked towards us.  His little legs had braces on them and you could tell they were severely malformed.  It took all his effort to swing his feet one in front of the other to take a step, but he was determined. His mother and siblings were far ahead of him and paid no attention to the distance between them.

Eventually our eyes meet and he flashed me the most gorgeous ear to ear grin.  I was taken back by the beauty in this little boy's smile. Despite the physical obstacles and probable pain he was facing to do something most of us take for granted he demonstrated joy.  It was breath taking.  That little boy did more than just smile at me he blessed me despite his life circumstances.

He has been asked to carry a heavy burden.  To look physically different than his peers, to not be able to run and play like them.  To be subject to the name calling and cruelty of the looks he gets from others.

How dare I be so ungrateful for the burdens I have been called to bear.

Those burdens bring me closer to the feet of Jesus.

Those burdens can turn into blessings.

I left the store saying a little prayer that I might run across this little boy again, I have a feeling that someday I will.

Enough.

When I don't feel good enough.

When I don't feel accomplished enough.

When I don't feel smart enough.

When I don't feel pretty enough.

When I don't feel skinny enough.

When I don't feel rich enough.

When I don't feel worth enough.

I must remind myself that


HIS GRACE IS ENOUGH.

I have been set FREE of the "not ENOUGH"

And that is SUFFICIENT for me.

"You my brothers were called to be free." Galations 5:13

Sleepy sillies...

In my college years we had many nights with little sleep.  We would be studying, writing papers, hanging out with friends and whatever other excuse we could find to not go to bed.  Back then I thought I knew what sleep deprivation meant, how naive I was.

One of those nights I remember hanging out with one of my best friends (now brother in-law), I can't remember what we were up to but I remember laughing so hard at the dumbest things.  Things that on a normal nights rest would not have been quite so funny.  In between our fits of laughter he said "We have the sleepy sillies"  I am not sure where this saying comes from or if everyone has heard of this term or if  perhaps he just made it up, however it now gets used in my house quite a bit.

Last night Brylee went to bed around 9:30, it was one of those nights where everything was just running late.  She has a bedtime ritual which includes one television show usually curious george, max and ruby or clifford the big red dog, vitamins, fluoride, brush the teeth and then one book and prayers.  I was rushing her through these motions because she has a tendency to drag them out as loooonnngggg as she can.  I grabbed the book on her night stand and hurried her up into bed.  Well it just so happens the book laying there was  The Happy Birthday Book by Dr.Seuss.  I love Dr.Seuss his made up words and names  remind me of my family.  We have a nickname for everyone and everything and generally they are weird to the outside person but make complete sense to us.

Due to it being so late and the book being longer than usual I started reading as fast as I could to speed it up and to my amazement the faster I read the harder she laughed.  The harder she laughed the harder I laughed until we were both wiping our happy tears and holding sore bellies.  With all the tongue twisting words I did my best to make up keep up the speed between fits of giggles.  It reminded me of that moment back in college with my brother in law.  On a normal night this might not have struck such a funny cord but due to the nature of how late it was I think she was a little overtired.  It felt so good to share this moment with her and I did my best to soak it all in while it lasted.
 
The best part came when the laughter died down and she turned and whispered into my ear " MOMMA YOU MAKE ME SOOO HAPPY"

That is what I live for.

Way behind....

 A happy 4th of July post was suppose to happen last week with a cute picture of our fun time swimming and playing. I bought cute little festive outfits for the kids to take a few pictures in during our bbq with some friends and family.  HOWEVER...


"The best laid plans of mice and men often go awry"


Which was definitely the case for us this year. If you have ever heard of something called coxsackie virus I feel your pain.  To those of you who have no idea what it is I pray for your sake you never find out. Before going to work on Sunday I went in to kiss Brody as he was taking a nap and discovered he had a fever.  He was not congested or grumpy or anything the day prior so I thought he might be getting some teeth, proceeded to give him some motrin and headed to work with strict instructions for the husband to follow.  Sometime that afternoon I got a call from my mom who had relieved my husband for a few hours to tell me that his fever was very high, he was miserable and she thought he might have an ear infection because he was rubbing his ear.  Seeing as I work in a hospital and the next day was a holiday I told her to bring him down and have him seen to get an antibiotic.  So low and behold his ear drums were bulging his fever was high and a little tylenol and augmentin would do the trick. Surely he would be feeling better for our holiday plans, or so I thought.....


After a sleepless night and doses around the clock of medications his high fever was not coming down, he didn't want to eat and he just looked really sad and listless.  So most of the 4th of July I sat in front of a fan or with the help of my lovely parents trying to cool this child down.  Definitely NOT what I had planned for my babies first 4th of July. I tried not to let it ruin my spirits for the day but I felt most of it was spent feeling sorry for my poor little man.    


After another sleepless night and his symptoms still not clearing up we headed to the doctor.  I had an appointment already for a swollen lymph node behind his ear so it worked out perfect.  She proceeds to tell me he has coxsackie virus or something we refer to as hand, foot and mouth??!!!!!
Seriously?!?! What happened to the simple old ear infection? 


Apparently this awful awful virus also causes bulging ear drums which in the first day of the virus mimics an ear infection until the blisters show up!!! UGGHHH...... To which you are probably thinking "your a nurse didn't you see the blisters on his hands and feet and know that is what he has??"  That is a great question.  He only had blisters in the way back of his throat and unless you gagged him with a tongue depressor to look you couldn't see them, trust me I tried.  Soon after leaving the doctors he developed other symptoms of this virus, diarrhea and vomiting, yeah it gets better can you believe it?  Needless to say this went on for almost a week AND guess what it's highly contagious.


You guessed it.....he gave it to his sister.  What a generous little man. However there is a bright side to this story.  Apparently adults can get it to and thank the good Lord above I nor my husband have contracted this nasty virus.  I hope it stays that way.  


So that is why I am so way behind in posting on this blog, cleaning my house, planning my sons 1st birthday party or just life in general.  However I was able to dress the B's up and get a few pictures of them.  It is ridiculously hard to get a good picture of them together but we did our best.  Hope you had a wonderful 4th.  There is always next year for us.  :-)

Powerful...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8rhwbcRqUgY&feature=player_embedded

This is really powerful! Hope everyone has a great Saturday!

A poem for the day

Last evening as I was getting the kids ready for bed it seemed as if the world was against me. My sweet sweet baby boy couldn't get to sleep.  So I let him get down and play for awhile and I got out my camera.  No matter how much rocking and singing I did it took him FOREVER to fall asleep. Now don't get me wrong this is one of my most favorite things to do, rock my baby to sleep.  After probably an hour and a half he was finally sound asleep and I had written a poem while I waited.  Here goes.....


The house is a mess what's a girl to do?
There are so many demands that are placed on you.


Laundry needs to be folded and put away.
It's probably been there since the first of May.


The floors are all sticky and need a good sweep.
The bills are piled high and stacked in a heap.


There is food on the counter and all over the chair.
But honestly I just couldn't give any care.


For this little man has been trying all day.
To simply get me to sit down and play.


So the dishes can stay all piled in the sink.
For this little ones gonna be grown in a wink.

I'll sing all night long and rock him to sleep.
Because him at this age I simply can't keep.




Here are a few of the pictures I took during our play time, the time when we were suppose to be going to bed. :-)  

He is pretty proud of his pearly whites!

His sister taught him how to "sing" or screech shall we say!

AT THE TOP OF HIS LUNGS!

He melts my heart he really does.

A day at the park...

A few glimpses of our day at the park!

WE LOVE NANNY!

Oh to be a kid again.

PURE JOY!

We decided to head out to the park with Nanny and Gram Gram (great grandma) yesterday.  Seeing as the winters in NY are long and cold we try to spend every second we can outside during the summer.  It generally lifts the morale for mommy also when the views at the park consist of a beautiful lake and sailboats. Plus who has an 82 year old  great grandma that will STILL go down ALL the slides with you!!!  Brylee peed her pants the first time she went down the slide pictured below due to it's height. However, was insistent upon going back down it multiple times.  Now that's courage, she rocks!! I was very thankful for no broken bones, scraps, bumps or bruises for either of them.     

 Believe me I was holding my breath on this one!!

Faster Gram Gram!

We couldn't have asked for a better day!!

Matter of Perspective Monday...

I am an ER nurse. I work every Saturday and Sunday and stay home during the week with the kids.  While this sounds like a wonderful schedule Mondays are really hard for me.  I am tired.  Very Very tired.  I don't usually get to bed until one or two in the morning on Sunday night and get up at six.  I drink many cups of coffee on Monday mornings and struggle to get off the couch.  However my job has a way of humbling me.  


The ER is an unusual place to work.  You see a whole gamete of things and the things you see change you, they put life into perspective.  I have mourned the loss of a child whom we could not save, I have held the hand of a dying man, I have shocked a heart back into a beating rhythm, I have cried with a newly diagnosed cancer patient, I have wept with two young children who lost their mother in a drunk driving accident, I have rejoiced with a couple who found out they were pregnant, I have put pressure on a life threatening wound. I have been spit on, peed on, kicked and cussed at while having to continue caring for these people.  
Each shift I work I am reminded that life is a gift, cherish each other, do the things that make you happy, enjoy your life because it can change in the blink of an eye.   


When Monday comes around my attitude is one of gratitude.  Although I may be tired and weary and don't feel like playing one more game of hide and seek or cleaning up another mess I wouldn't want it any other way. 


REJOICE WITH THOSE WHO REJOICE; MOURN WITH THOSE WHO MOURN. LIVE IN HARMONY WITH ONE ANOTHER. DO NOT BE PROUD, BUT BE WILLING TO ASSOCIATE WITH PEOPLE OF LOW POSITION. DO NOT BE CONCEITED. ROMANS 12: 15-16

Just the beginning....

Starting a blog has been on my to do list for quite some time now.  Actually sitting down and finding the time however has been the challenge.  I questioned whether this was something that I really wanted to spend my free time doing since I seem to have so little of it.  I finally decided I am not doing this because it is the popular thing to do or I feel pressured into it.  My daughter turned three last month and my son will be one in August and I can't even begin to comprehend where the time has gone. I want this blog to be an honest depiction of the ordinary happenings in my family's life that make it unique to us.  I hope this blog enables me to record these moments that make our life story and share them with others, like many of you already do.  I am excited to read all about what has been going on in the lives of many of you who have started blogging already.
I am not a literary scholar and do not have a degree in computer graphics. I am doing my best to figure out how this all works so please bear with me.  I am excited about this new endeavor and can't wait to catch up with all of you!!!!!